“Son?
I need to tell you something.”
“Yeah,
Dad?”
“Integrity
is more important than pretty much anything. Even love.”
“Uh…
what’s inte...griddy?”
“Integrity,
son. It’s the mark of a true man to keep his promises no matter what. Be a man
of his word. You learn that and you learn hard work and you’ll do just fine in
life. And don’t let girls distract you from that.”
“But
girls are gross, Dad.”
“Keep
telling yourself that, kiddo. You’ll be alright.”
The first time I met Moiré De
Lanthe, I was engaged to be married. Despite the rumors, even men have
fairytales. This is my fairytale and
it involves (as any good story does) the love of a woman.
It all started quite innocently.
I was studying printouts of brainwave readings in the little corner of a
sterile-looking room that I was allowed to call “my lab.” I suddenly noticed
that I was alone and glanced up at the clock—8:36 p.m. The upshot to working a
national holiday was that I had the lab completely to myself. I was surprised
that my fiancée, Ella, hadn’t already phoned me twenty times to make sure I’d
be home in time to make it to tonight’s fireworks. I was glad for the
inattention, however; my eyes burned from staring at a computer screen for six
hours and from reading Victorian romance novels for another five. Doctoral work
was not supposed to involve this kind
of eyestrain, was it?
I pretended to type out some
final notes on what I’d found in the day’s research. It was precious little. Studies proceeding on schedule. Resolution
still uncertain. Continue study.
Inevitably, however, I received a
text from Ella and quickly texted back that I’d be wrapping things up soon. I
carried on screening my notes for errors, finding none. Unfortunately, I found
no signs of apparent progress either. I was no closer to resolving my issue
than I had been when I started the research. Worse, there was a sense of
something missing—something not easily nailed down.
And only three months to figure this all out. C’mon, Nick. Think.
The stated goal was to understand
why supposedly “perfect love” could go tragically wrong. I wanted to know if
there were obvious warning signs on the entrance ramp to the freeway of romance
screaming, “Caution: dead end ahead!” The official literature always gave the
usual, unsatisfying answers. I just knew there
had to be something more, something deeper. My eyes drooped. There was no point
in continuing tonight. I stood, stretched and walked over to The Chair for a
moment’s rest to freshen me up before tonight’s festivities.
At the outset of my doctoral
work, I’d salvaged an old dentist’s chair because of its odd, iconic coolness.
It didn’t fit in my apartment, but in a stroke of genius, I realized it would
work great in the lab. It became my official test chair. When I found it had…
personality… I decided it needed a name. I wasn’t feeling terribly creative
that day.
I settled into The Chair and
carefully readied myself to lean back. Despite my repairs on The Chair, the old
cautions were still there. Slowly, slowly I levered myself backwards until, at
last, I was at just the right angle for comfort. Confident that it wasn’t going
to eject me (again), I relaxed and peacefully closed my eyes. Five-minute
siesta and then I’d head on out to Ella’s place to calm her down and watch the
celebrations.
Nobody should ever unexpectedly surprise a grad
student grabbing a nap. Before I knew it, I was on the floor in a heap, the
knock on the door banging in my head. I was on my feet the next moment,
regretting it as my head swam. I peered through my haze to see who else was
crazy enough to have not escaped the psychology building before closing time.
When my vision cleared, I noticed a slender young woman, a full head shorter
than me. She looked like a supermodel ready to step into a board meeting of a
Fortune 500 company. I suddenly felt awkwardly bedraggled and more than a
little stupid knowing that there was no way she had missed my… accident. So
much for some rest.
I turned on my best version of
nonchalance as she stepped through the door. I paid no attention to her smooth,
auburn hair pinned up just above the nape of her neck. I glanced at her ginger
eyes only in furtive motions to eliminate any chance of staring. I utterly
ignored the sweeping jawline beneath her perfect cheekbones. I was accustomed
to having attractive women around—the campus was chock-full of them. No pretty
face had ever distracted me from my love for Ella. I nearly jumped when my
heart began to race as she started walking toward me.
Re-test element of surprise on response to stimuli.
“Doctor Cairn?” she asked
politely.
“Please, just call me ‘Nick,’” I
said calmly. “I’m not done with my dissertation yet.”
She smiled demurely. “Which is
what I was hoping to hear. They told me I’d find you here; I’m sorry I had to
come so late. And on a holiday no less.”
“It’s no problem. I was just
about to wrap up for the night, though. Can I help you with something?”
“I’m your new undergraduate
assistant.” She extended her hand.
I blinked and shook her hand. I
hadn’t had an undergrad assistant in thirteen months, now. There were reasons
for that.
“I… think you’re mistaken”—and I
glanced at her ring finger—“Miss….”
“Moiré. De Lanthe, if you need to
know for your records, but Moiré’s fine with me.”
“Well, yes, Miss De Lanthe—Moiré,
sorry. But if you’re looking for an internship, I think you’ve come to the
wrong place.”
“Then you’re not the one writing
a dissertation entitled, ‘Human interrelations in romantic settings and
neurophysical responses to prescribed stimuli’?” She held her gaze on me,
neutral and steady. This woman obviously had at least some idea of what she was
getting herself into.
I nodded. “Yes, that would be me.
But are you certain I’m the one you
want to be talking to?”
She gave me a thin, almost
mocking grin and I made a mental note of my reaction. Heart rate increased in response to newcomer’s smile.
“I asked specifically to work with you.”
That got my eyebrows up. “You
realize that the pay is just this side of nothing, right?”
She nodded.
“You also realize the hours are
often long and that some of what we’re doing needs to be done very clinically
in order to avoid charges of sexual assault, yes?”
She nodded again.
“Were you informed that you’re
expected to study a large body of literature, listen to hours of romantic music
and watch several days’ worth of romantic films as part of core research?”
She indicated she was aware.
“You are also aware that you’ll
be on the front lines of some of the most bitter tales of failed relationships
you’re ever likely to hear?”
A nod.
“And you know that you’re not going to get any of the credit for
this beyond, possibly, a small line item on a résumé and whatever experience
you can garner, correct?”
She nodded again, more eagerly
than I’d expect.
“You… really seem excited about
this.”
Her smile widened. “Yes, I am.
You’re the only one in your field doing anything like this at this school. In
this state, actually. I was hoping to find a project that would stand out from
the pack. Yours was by far the most interesting of the list.”
“Flattered, really,” I said
dryly. I knew what the other projects on the list were.
She laughed lightly. I ignored my
elevated pulse count. I wasn’t about to let myself end up as my own test
subject. It was definitely time to get back to Ella. She’d be sure to cool me
down.
“But like I said,” I said,
managing a welcoming smile, “I’m wrapping up for the night. I’ve got the usual
holiday plans. I’m sorry I can’t stay and chat more.”
“When do I start?” She moved
closer and every hair on my neck stood up.
“A-are you taking any classes
this summer?”
She nodded. “Psych two-forty, P.E. two-ten and P.A.S one-twelve.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“P.A.S.—Plant and Animal Sciences—one-twelve.
It’s a floral design class,” she said.
“I see.” She was learning floral
design. If I did hire this Moiré woman, I’d have to be sure not to discuss my
impending wedding around her. Who knew what mayhem might ensue if she and Ella
got together?
“Well, with Psych two-forty,
you’ll be busy Monday through Friday for at least a couple hours a day. PE is
never taxing. I’m… not sure how much time you’ll spend with your flowers, but
if you’re going to work under me, I expect at least a twenty-hour week. I
typically do six hours a day on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, with an hour or
two on Tuesday or Thursday.”
The clock read 8:40. Ella would
be fuming at my tardiness. Just to get rid of the underclasswoman I said, “Show
up here Friday if you really want this. Think you can handle that?”
She nodded once and shook my hand
again. “It’ll be a privilege to work with you. I’ll see Friday afternoon at
three-o-clock, right after one-twelve.”
“Right after one-twelve,” I
agreed. With a last, very professional smile she was out the door. Without
thinking, I peeked around the doorjamb and watched her until she disappeared
around the corner. I could still smell her perfume.
“Brother,” I huffed, collapsing
into a chair behind me and rubbing at my face. “What just happened there?”
First, the very fact that I had
found her so very attractive had been more than a little disturbing. I’d always
maintained a professional, clinical detachment around women in my lab. I
extended that detachment to women in general as soon as I’d gotten engaged. Dad
would be proud of me; he’d always taught me that commitment (especially to a
spouse) was a true mark of character. I would ignore my unexpected
physiological response to this random girl; it was just a fluke.
Second, a research assistant
didn’t fit into the budget (even if I’d told her not to expect much). The
psychology department had been making vague “promises” about shelling out more
funds for about eight months now. Their definition of “promise” was obviously
not the one in my dictionary.
Money aside, I neither wanted nor
needed help. I rather enjoyed conducting my work alone without the bother of
coordinating with an assistant. My first assistant was useful, but he quit when
he left school to work in his father’s business. The next assistant…. I’ll be
nice by saying nothing.
Pulling my mind back to the
present, I yawned and blinked my way through the nightly wrap-up process,
counting and re-counting my reasons why it would be a bad idea to have a new
research assistant. After three failures to convince myself to turn her down I
settled on the argument that I just didn’t need her even if she thought she
needed me. Other doctoral students would give her a better experience and more
than just petty change for her troubles. She could take her silky hair, her
gripping eyes, her perfect teeth, her… wait… was I being distracted by a memory of a girl I’d barely met? Okay.
That was it, period. Whenever Miss De… Lynn? DeLund? I was more fatigued than
I’d realized. De… Lanthe—that was it. When she returned, I’d explain that she
had caught me off guard and that I hadn’t been thinking straight. I’d apologize
for the confusion, suggest other grad students she could work for and send her
off with a professional handshake. Moiré De Lanthe wouldn’t even be a memory by
the same time next week.
For some reason, I didn’t want to
believe that.